you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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