Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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