I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
my sisters under your porch take her home
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
