OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
