You don't have asthma, your pregnant
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
