Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
MIDGETS
????
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
