Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
