If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
