i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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