dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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