if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
