The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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