Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
