So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
