you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just high enough for therapy.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
