lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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