How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
