Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
