Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
