it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We had sex on a dog bed..
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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