Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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