I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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