I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
