i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
