Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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