just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
