have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
