I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
