i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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