Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
