The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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