I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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