FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
