idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
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