Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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