My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
