Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
