Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
