in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
this boner is exhausting
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
