I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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