Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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