I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
