She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
