my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
