I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
