I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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