We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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