Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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