if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
