Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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