my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
