I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
